Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
