if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Randomize
