At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
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