I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
from now on my penis is your penis
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Randomize
