Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
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