Rock
Scissors
Fuck
All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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