He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
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