i dont even know how to be here
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
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