I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Randomize
