Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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