theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Randomize
