Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
im having a threesome with these popsicles
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
