how can u be prego again
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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