Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
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