so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
I smell stomach acid.
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Randomize
