saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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