Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Randomize
