That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
You're completely useless in the revolution.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
