I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Randomize
