A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
