I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
