And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Randomize
