I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
home. puking in laundry basket.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
