If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Randomize
