I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
should my penis look like a turkey
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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