Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Randomize
