Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
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