She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
Randomize
