It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
