You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Randomize
