You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
