I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize