I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
