I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
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