It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Randomize
