I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
