Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
Randomize
