Tell her she can't have a vagina
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Randomize