She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
