You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
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