my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
