i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
I need to calm my uterus...
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
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