my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
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