She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Randomize
