Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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