my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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