I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
But theres a keg here and me gusta
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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