Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
