So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
