I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize