like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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