If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
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