he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
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