thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
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