My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
