Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
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