I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
It's never too late to be topless.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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