he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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