Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
