then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Randomize
