two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
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