Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Randomize
