I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
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