I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Randomize
