i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Randomize
