I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Randomize
