I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize