What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Randomize
