just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
