***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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