So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
