Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
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