i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
