I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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