last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Randomize