i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
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