I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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