Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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