first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Randomize