Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
