woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Enjoy the penises
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
