I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Randomize
