Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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