I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
50% drunk capacity currently
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Randomize
