i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Randomize
