She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
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