There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Randomize