It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
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