Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Someone shit on the floor
Only a mothe r could love this liver
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
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