I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
Randomize
