He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
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