Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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