Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
