i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Randomize
