I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
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