You're my little dorito
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
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