My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
