I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
