recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
