That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
Randomize
