This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
He felt like a one man threesome
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
No...this little piggys going to the bar
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
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