there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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