I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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