the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
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