I'm lost and stupid without you.
there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Randomize
