think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
