he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
i think my cat just said my name.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
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