is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
vagina is talking i cant
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
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